The Last Salad

Te Huamata Whakamutunga

Difficulty: ★★★★★

Time: the length of a day-trip to the bush and back, then into the kitchen, then to the diningroom.

This is 100% pure New Zealand cuisine. No foreign muck in this dish!

This is a very special dish indeed, for a very ... very special ... somebody, as this meal can only ever be eaten once to be appreciated.



First, squelch the tutu berries into a fine, jammy sauce.

Throw the ongaoanga leaves into the salad bowl, and mix them up with the karaka drupes and poroporo berries.

Sprinkle the seasonings on, and lash the purple tutu sauce on, and mix again.

Serve, if you dare.

If your guest is enough of a showoff to even lick this salad, watch as his face goes purple, his mouth swells up, even after his eyes roll back and he falls to the floor under its overwhelming power. This is a gastonomical bomb!

Warning: the maker of this salad must choose either to stay and watch his guest eat it, and spend many years in jail; or to forever be a fugitive and miss the show. Damned either way.