"Flame Cake"

by Aaron Judson

This one has been baked to the minimum of cookedness, and it was OK. It could have been much crunchier, had it been baked longer.

Difficulty: ★★★☆☆ (or 1 star if pre-made pizza base is used)

Time: up to 2 hours (about 1¼ hours less if pre-made pizza base is used)

This is my development from what is known by Germans as Flammkuchen (which gave rise to my name for the dish) or by the French as tarte flambée. This version of the dish is cheaper, as it uses sour cream instead of crème fraîche; and it also uses common cheeses found in New Zealand to make it somewhat like pizza. I may have called it "flame cake", but bake it by whatever means: electric oven, fire, blast furnace, etc.—a hāngi probably works too.

The flavour of this dish is not really worth the fucking long time it takes to make it! So just ring up your nearest Domino's and order a Hawaiian! Save yourself the pain for something better!

For the base

• 1 tsp dry yeast
• ¼ tsp sugar
• ⅓ cup tepid water—slightly more is better
• ⅓ tsp salt
• 1 cup plain flour
• 1 tsp cooking oil

For the toppings

• Sour cream
• 1 big onion, slice and break the layers into crescents
• small pieces of bacon
• 1 cup grated cheese: Colby, Tasty, or Mild, none of the fancy stuff!
• Paprika
• Celery Salt or Chicken Salt
• Salt & Pepper

Guidelines

Activate the yeast by stirring it with the sugar into the tepid water, and let it stand for ~15 minutes.

Pour the yeasty water into a bowl with the salt, sifted flour, and oil, then stir it all into soft dough.

Kneed the dough on a floured surface for ~5 minutes until the dough feels springy, but not lumpy.

Leave the kneeded dough in a lightly greased bowl in a warm place for 1 hour. It will grow bigger. You can prepare the toppings before the hour is up.

Preheat the oven to 210°C.

Kneed the dough once more for ~1 minute to get rid of big gas pockets. Then roll it flat on the floured surface into a circle or a square ~30 cm wide. If the dough sticks to the rolling pin, then sprinkle flour upon the dough. Transfer this base onto an oven tray—a pizza tray or a baking stone are ideal.

For the toppings: first smother sour cream evenly over the base (except the edges), evenly spinkle the onion crescents, then sprinkle bacon pieces on evenly, finally sprinkle the grated cheese evenly over these toppings.

Finally sprinkle on the seasonings to taste.

Bake for about 15 minutes, or until the base and the bubbling cheese has turned somewhat brown.

Slice into equal parts after it has been left to cool for a few minutes out of the oven, then serve.

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Hint: Barbeque Seasoning by Masterfoods is an excellent all-in-one seasoning to use on this dish.